


technology isn't the answer to everything

by orphan_account



Category: Madagascar (Movies), Penguins of Madagascar
Genre: M/M, group chats, supposed to be chatfic but turned out to be something else, texts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 16:28:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12039783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which nobody knows what's next when they find out about Julien's crush.......or what to tell Skipper.





	technology isn't the answer to everything

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to 2 rats etc for the idea XD  
> so this is supposed to be a chatfic but the first chapter has only like 1% chat so......yeah  
> Hope you guys like it nevertheless! XDD

Private hated telescope duty.

It was custom that every half an hour one of the penguins looked out of the telescope in their base for “bandits and thieves”, as Skipper put it, though as much as Private respected his captain this particular idea struck him as slightly paranoid. They’d never had as much as a fly in the base except for Marlene and the lemurs, and they were their neighbors.

Okay, so _maybe_ it’d been pretty chaotic that time Julien barged in playing a seriously off-key bagpipe and throwing daisies, but that was the only exception. And as far as Private was concerned all they were doing was spying on their zoomates and not at all respecting their personal space.

Which wasn’t very nice of them.

At least, so he thought that morning as he adjusted the telescope, scanning the zoo 360 degrees and expecting to see nothing more other than Mort tripping over his feet and onto the banana pile.

Instead, he found himself stopping mid-turn, staring through the lens and right at the lemur compound a few yards away.

Julien was atop his throne as usual, looking like a kid being rewarded a box stuffed with lollipops. His advisor though, was less eager, his expression resembling that of a man whose wife had dragged him into Victoria’s Secret and tested all the creams on his hands. This clashed tremendously with tiny Mort, whose already huge amber eyes were stretched even wider in excitement.

Just how a regular morning in the lemur compound would look like.

Just a regular morning, if not for those rectangular glowing things they each were holding in their paws.

Private found himself giving out the danger alert.

“Um, Skipper? I think you have to see this……”

###

A minute later the whole squad was assembled next to the table in the base, which Skipper stood on with his flippers crossed, trying to look important.

“Gentlemen, we are now facing a huge crisis,” he announced with the voice he reserved for talking about important stuff. “Private here has just told me that the lemurs have apparently acquired _three models_ of the latest iPhone 7.”

He paused to let that info sink in.

Kowalski’s beak dropped open. “But…… but I did the calculations! The probability of them ever learning to operate a machine that is not a speaker---”

“And that is not the point!” Skipper snapped. “There is a another more _pressing_ issue here!”

He whipped out his own smartphone and waved it about like an enemy flag. “The _thing_ here,” he hissed,” is that when that _stupid Ringtail_ is happily poking around on an _iPhone 7_ , _we_ are still using _crummy iPhone 5s_!”

Rico and Private gasped dramatically, the former penguin accidentally inhaling a bottle of shampoo in the process.

“ _Ahgg---GAINST_?” he squawked.

Private had his flippers over his beak. “You think they’re using the phones _against_ us?”

Skipper hopped off the table, eyebrows furrowed. “This is bad,” he muttered to nobody in particular as he paced around the base. “The idea of Ringtail beating me in anything---no.” He whipped around for his analyst. “Kowalski! Options!”

Said penguin flipped through his notepad. “Well, we could go and _ask_ them what they’re doing with the phones---”

“Rejected,” Skipper interrupted. “Asking Ringtail for anything goes completely against my morals. Next!”

“Well, that leaves only one other option…….” Kowalski scribbled in his notepad and turned it around for everyone to see.

The otherwise blank page read _HACK_.

###

_A day later_

“ _Blaa---errgh_?” asked Rico eagerly.

“Oh yes,” answered Kowalski, looking exceptionally proud of himself. “Hacking into Julien’s phone is much easier than I expected. I’ve already gone through his search engine history thrice.” He stirred his mug of hot chocolate slowly. “Alas, I have found nothing.”

“Have you looked at the texts yet?” Private suggested.

“I am doing that right now.” The taller penguin scrolled through the contacts, taking a sip of chocolate. “I’m sure I’ll find _something_ worth---”

He spewed his sip right back out on the screen.

The other two jumped.

“ _Blargh_?” asked Rico, peeping over Kowalski’s shoulder at the phone.

The scarred penguin choked and spat out a crystal ball and a sopping bag of laundry.

Private looked between them anxiously. “What is it?” he said uneasily. “Is Julien going to crank his music to max 24 hours a day?”

Kowalski and Rico shook their heads, looking like they’d been visited by Satan.

“Is he going to hold a Joyful Fruit Day?” Private guessed.

Head shake.

“A Julien Rocks Day?” he tried again.

Another head shake.

“A Julien Rocks _Week_?” gasped Private.

Kowalski held out the phone, face covered by a flipper. “Look yourself.”

Private took it uncertainly.

He read two lines and fainted on the spot.

###

“JULIEN!!”

The lemur king looked up from his phone to see Kowalski, Rico and Private storming over, faces dark, and recoiled slightly. “What? What have I done wrong this time?” he demanded frantically. “Are the sky spirits going to take away my crown?”

Kowalski glared at him. Once the trio had gotten over the initial shock they’d been overcome with a wave of anger---even Private seemed to be uncharacteristically unbelieving.

“This has nothing to do with _sky spirits_ ,” Kowalski growled, and Rico added a “Grrr!” for effect. The analyst held up his phone in Julien’s face. “Why didn’t you tell us this?”

The screen showed a texting group.

_bossy fat thing: Your Highness, what is so special it must be discussed through text?_

_You: Everything is said through text now_

_bossy fat thing: It changes things a little if I am standing right next to you_

_bossy fat thing: and so is Mort_

_You: Mort doesn’t count as an existing creature_

_bossy fat thing: Yeah, yeah_

_bossy fat thing: so what are you going to tell us?_

_annoying little zit: A story!!!!!!_

_You: Shut up, Mort_

_You: don’t barge into things your puny little brain can’t understand_

_You: why are you here anyway_

_bossy fat thing: you added him???_

_You: oh_

_You: maybe I did_

_You: the thing is_

_You: I like the bossy penguin XD_

_You: What next? XDDDDD_

**T.B.C.**

**Author's Note:**

> So that was the first chapter......do tell me what you think XD  
> the next chapter is going to be mainly texts  
> Criticism and of course comments and kudos are welcome! :)


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